Tuesday, January 3, 2006


As taken from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary...

  1. "to treat or operate with the hands or by mechanical means especially in a skillful manner
  2. a : to manage or utilize skillfully b : to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
  3. to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose : DOCTOR"
After reading Frema's blog the other day I haven't stopped thinking about manipulation. Experiences she described with guilt that she felt she was in fact manipulated by her then boyfriend. Thank goodness for her, she got out of that relationship.

Who are we manipulated by?
A significant other, a friend, our own child, and even our parents. Co-workers, church members, neighbors and the list can go on and on.

Why are we manipulated?
Looking at the first definition given, I find it difficult to believe any of us fall into that category of manipualtion. However, the second defintion..."to one's own advantage" and the third definition..."to serves one's purpose". Why would someone we love so much try to indeed hurt us? Why would people we trust stab us in the back? My feelings are that their insecurities, with the lack of truth, as well as dishonesty give them a sense to be in control of a relationship so that they feel as if they are in power. These people are indeed weak emotionally and suffer from within.

How are we manipulated?
The fact that we are "verbally" manipulated and filled with guilt we lose our power as a person. We are so blindsided from love or trust we never really see manipulation. It may take time before it is realized by our ownself, through a friend, or even some type of media.

We have all been manipulated at some time in our lives. I'm sure it has happened more than once. The downfall is the level of trust you can have with someone after experiencing such deceit. As my therapist says, "You just have to watch for the red flags".


Number Twelve said...

Or, just ignore those red flags and hope they go away. Yeah, that's really worked well for me. Interesting post Butterflygirl... you figured out how to make links! :)

Frema said...

Manipulation is a tricky thing, and something that can only happen if you allow it to. I wish I had fully realized that a few years ago.