Thursday, June 15, 2006

June

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your most wonderful, inspiring, loving, and caring thoughts. I was not aware when I started blogging the relationships that were going to develop and I am truly thankful for all of you.

I am glad today marks the half-way point of this month. June is just too difficult for me.
  • I was a June bride.
  • My marriage was dissolved.
  • This year would have been the 10 year wedding anniversary.
  • An ex-niece's birthday.
  • A former sister-in-law's birthday.
  • The ex-spouse's birthday.
  • My ex-nephew graduated from high school. I tutored him when he was in 1st grade.

Anything related to my ex as well as his family is heartbreaking for me. For 12 years I was part of a family that I thought loved me. When the process of divorce began, the threats as well as their non-communication showed me where their loyalty laid and it certainly wasn't with me. Until the real truth is revealed I will always be the "bad" person to them. BTW, I am doing much better this year than I did last year.

On the upside, my father's birthday is today. We plan on taking him to a Railcats baseball game early next week. Unfortunately my son will have to wait until next weekend to celebrate Father's Day with him.

Today I'm going to post a grateful list...

  1. life and my health-ability to live each day to the fullest
  2. my son-who keeps me active
  3. my pastors-who care about me
  4. prayers-He does answer
  5. my parents-for the support they continue to give
  6. my computer-so I can blog
  7. friends-who share their joys with me
  8. naps-refreshing my son and I
  9. DVD's-so I can blog
  10. sunny days-which gives me happiness

10 comments:

Tab said...

You sound like you have been empowered by the difficulties and hurtful times during your divorce
yet you miss your ex-loved ones at times..Kind of mixed for ya huh?
From where I am sitting and reading,
you found yourself some extra self
empowerment and LOVE for life.
You kick ass Butterflygirl and don't ever let anyone else tell ya different!Thanks for sharing ~

Sicilian said...

Fly girl,
The most painful thing for me was to lose my X's grandmother. I loved her like my own and she loved me. His family wanted me to visit her after the divorce (they did not tell her about it) and act like everything was ok. I just couldn't go see an 85 year old woman and not cry my eyes out. Because I am so good at looking like I have it together, nobody, including my children could understand what an emotional wreck I was. When she died, I read it in the newspaper while I was working overtime at work. I was devistated that nobody, including my kids, thought I was worthy of a call. Telling it stil brings tears to my eyes.
So girl . . . .I get it. . . I am sorry too.
Your grateful list is wonderful too. Much to be thankful for isn't there.
Ciao

Tiffanie said...

I found the loss of his family bothered me MORE than the loss of him. You really do grow to care for those people.

You have a great attitude about it. I like your gratitude list.

One thing I can say about divorce, it gets "different" as time goes by. Not that the loss ever truly goes away, it just gets better.

Keep flyin' girl, you're doing great.

Diego said...

I totally can empathize with your situation......I hear that it all works out according to a Master plan, if we only stay clean and sober a day at a time by practicing the program (12 steps) of recovery....You're are blessed with a unique experience that will help someone else find peace within themselves....Thank you.

Frema said...

It wasn't until after reading your last few entries that I truly realized how fresh your divorce is. You've grown very strong in a very short time. You should be very proud. :)

Bar Bar A said...

I know what you mean about the surprise of meeting caring people via blogging. I have made some new friends that are closer to me than some of my "in real life" friends.

I am sorry for the pain of your divorce and that the ex-family chose to react the way the did. Glad to hear that with the passing of time its getting a little easier.

Sue said...

Sorry June is such a painful month but what a wonderful idea - a grateful list! It's a good way of seeing the positive side of things. I justlove your descriptions - especially the naps and DVDs!

Sober Chick said...

In a way you are redefining the meaning of this month by looking into what it has stood for thus far. This has to be difficult, but already I feel you are changing the outlook. First you are recognizing all the events. Second you have already defined something positive, your father's birthday.

You are healing, and your colors are showing more and more because of it. After all, you are "expanding your wings!"

DayByDay4-2Day said...

I'm glad to see that grateful list. It helps to see the good when we feel down.

LZ Blogger said...

Wow... having your dad's birthday this close to Father's Day makes it sort of easy to remember! ~ jb///