Monday, May 22, 2006

About Me, Part 2

Life is never what we plan. It is His plan and so often we forget. It takes the faith of a believer to be blessed. On that thought I'll continue about me...

I was not really sure what I wanted to do in my life. I go to the local college and major in elementary education. I also added on an endorsement for English as a second language. As I am in college, I meet my soon-to-be husband through my at the time boyfriend. Let me say a boyfriend who was on the way out after four years together. I couldn't be happier in my life. 23, marrying a man that has a J-O-B, plus I will be living in a house. He will be paying all of the bills, etc, etc, etc.

Unable to find a job as a regular ed teacher, a position I interview for leads to a different type of job-special ed. I accept the job having no idea what I have gotten myself into, plus I never wanted to teach special education. I go back to school and within 18 months, I take 24 credit hours and earn a minor in special education, oh, and I have a baby. I earn my Master's degree before my son is 3 and I start taking classes for my administration license, but stop due to stress of my personal life.

The new love of my life is of course my son. I enjoyed being pregnant, shopping for maturity clothes (shop-a-holic, remember), and well I had a very good pregnancy as well as delivery. My parents say that my ex couldn't handle the fact that I needed to pay more attention to someone else. Yeah, they are probably right about that, but there is a bigger picture. Not knowing the precise point, moment, or occurrence of the breakdown of a relationship can be disturbing, especially when someone doesn't communicate. So, there was a problem. That is in the past, I can not dwell on it, I need to move forward. If I was not a forgiving person I would just hold onto anger inside and that would lead to bitterness.

I say it was the seven year itch, and of course Satan had something to do with it. That's when reality hit me. My son was born 5 years after I was married. I miscarried 5 months later (there was a reason). Everything after that is pretty much a blur. We get so caught up in our lives, changes happen, and we either adapt, or see the highway. In my case it was another family that needed a male figure as a model. So he felt needed and loved, etc, etc, etc. Enough was enough. Eight years after being married I filed for separation so that he could open his eyes-however, in turn, he filed for divorce. He wanted me to be the bad guy and make the first move. He bears no humility and that is such a shame.

I not only lost a husband, but a man who had been part of my life for 12 years. I lost a whole other family-people who no longer speak to me anymore. I lost friends, acquaintances, and neighbors. My son lost the "normalcy" of a family. All I could think of was being a statistic. You see it was so hard for me to make a decision like that. Being brought up Catholic, you do not get a divorce-do not, or else you are going to hell-you shame the family. My family support was minimal at first. My friends were the only ones there for me to get my through this ordeal. But that all changed.

14 comments:

SJ said...

I wish He would sometime stake some of the points in my plan and add it to His :)

Nice post.

Sicilian said...

I think every woman ever gets married thinks it is forever. Once our bubble pops. . . reality sets in. . . we pine over our ability to "keep our man". The unfortuante part of divorce, is that we carry that pain and fear. You are not alone. . . I feel like I did everything I was supposed to do and still ended up a single parent. Unfortunately I have learned that it takes 2 to tango.
Ciao

Lacey said...

I'm sorry about your jerk of an ex. The experience made you a stronger person, but most importantly gave you your beautiful son! :-)

Tiffanie said...

It is true. You do lose the whole other family. I relate. It's shocking when you finally get on the "highway" and look back.

Sambo V. said...

You are such a strong woman!

luxlucisvita said...

hey....it's okay to think of these things...

When I saw your picture with your son...I knew instantly that you were a strong happy person inside...

Things don't work out the way we dream it to be...the way you thought it to be...but there's something beautiful comin' soon...for you...

you have faith...real one...

and a person who has faith...always finds joy....

people come into our lives for a reason...some stay for a day...some stay for a season...some stay forever...

from all of them...we learn and gain something...

it's okay to let go of those people...don't blame yourself...let go...fly on...

you're a butterfly...

LZ Blogger said...

At least butterflies are LIGHT on their feet! Keep flying! ~ jb///

Tab said...

Hey Butterfly Mamma
Have a fab weekend and for #$%^
put that *&^%$# laundry away for the weekend...go have some fun:)

Aunty Belle said...

Sorry to heah of this heartache, honey. Mama and Daddy may be shocked or shamed, but youse OK....when there is adultery it ain't about "keepin yore man" (Or woman as the case may be) but it is about the ego of the ramblin' one...

Love yore boy, chile' and be patient wif' all the others....pray fer ya enemies, and it'll all come round.

kate said...

I can only imagine (and frankly have been in the position recently of doing just that...)

It isnt what you planned, but it also, it is what it is. You do a great job of keeping your perspective. ty for sharing this. I know it was a stretch.

Frema said...

It sounds like you've done a wonderful job of taking care of you and your son, despite the issues you had with your ex. Not everybody can say that. Kudos to you. :)

Number Twelve said...

I've been waiting to read through this once I had a chance to actually SIT and focus and read it.

You've been doing a lot of thinking and exploring and the fact that you're able to put what you've been through into words is HUGE.

Love you!
#12

Eduardo said...

Sometimes its hard to read about other people's divorces. I have baggage and when I read about the turmoil in other people's lives I am brought back to the spin-and-puke ride that was the end of my marriage.

I know exactly what you are talking about as far as being a statistic.

Divorce carries a stigma, and not just in the Catholic church, but in other churches as well. Well meaning people felt it was their obligation to help me fix my marriage.

My desire not to speak ill of my children's mother often left me with little to say or little way to defend my decision to pursue the divorce.

I am sorry about the stuff you had to go through. I am amazed by your courage to mention it here.

I think that it sounds so very trite, but it is so very true. The pain we experience molds us (if we let it) and whatever doesn't kill us, truly does make us stronger.

Da Gal said...

You have blossomed into such a beautiful woman butterflygrl. I hope you are able to see things through different eyes now. I understand your feeling of losing family, friends, acquaintences, etc.

When this has happened in my life it was simply one door closing and another whole set of doors opening. Sometimes I spend so much time looking at the doors that have shut that it takes me an eternity to see the ones that have just opened.