Acknowledgement

After attending a function with my son and ex-husband, I was able to gain insight on how I feel about him. Him being the man I married at the young age of twenty-three thinking this was my soul mate. I knew he was the one for me. I had the deepest love for him. Honestly, he gave me everything, he treated me as his queen.

Since the separation as well as the divorce and through all my therapy, I as well as those who have tried and continue to try to counsel me, have never been able to pinpoint the time when the marriage began to fall apart. As well as to the timing, none of us have been able to find an "exact" reason. (Yes, there are many, however I have tried to recount the beginning of the breakdown.) At this point in my life I am okay with that. And that leads me to how I began this post. Ironically, it was before I watched an episode of Oprah.

I know it took a great deal for him to attend a function with our son and to be in the presence of me. He of course tried to be the "gentleman" and offer to buy me items from the concessions, however I declined. I got what I wanted with my money. We sat almost in complete silence with our son between the two of us. I asked him two questions about medical bills-which of course-he had no idea. The whole experience was probably more hurtful to our son than it was to me. Our son wanted me to go home with them. My little man had the tears. The tears of a child who wants his mom and dad together. Our son wants the family. I want the family too, however not with that man. I was able to see what Berta has been saying.

It took this experience for me to acknowledge that I am no longer in a love with this man. This is not the man I fell in love with. I feel sorry for him. I see no happiness in him. I see a hole within him. I see a person who is lost, dazed, and confused. In our relationship I complimented him in every way he complimented me.

I believe that the enemy did come and steal my joy and love from me. He only stole it for a short time. He may have taken it away by destroying someone who had completed me, but through the strength and guidance of the Almighty I am able to feel joy and love in my life.

Me

B lessed
U nderstanding
T hirty-something
T ruthful
E ncouraging
R espectful
F aithful
L oving
Y earning
G iving
I intrigued
R enewed
L oyal

My Vision

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Vision. I had it when:

• I was a teen leader in youth ministry.
• I was going through college.
• I got a real job.
• I got married. (So I thought)
• I went back to college.
• I was expecting my son.
• I was going through my Master's program.
• I lost a lot of weight.
• I started the administrator's license program.
• I renewed my spirituality and relationship with Christ.

At times I wonder what happened to my vision? I realize that my vision has just been out of focus. It is becoming clear again.

Can it Get Any More Fun?

Today, we took on the adventure of flying a kite. Granny bought her one and only grandson a $10 kite. It is one of those nylon kites that has wings that spread over 42".

The new kite.

Of course the day she buys it for him there is not a bit of wind. I had to put it together and let him run around and watch as he tried to make the kite fly. That went well until he ran into the fence. You have to look where you're going was my advice to him. Fortunately, today there was wind-good wind. We, I mean I, got the kite up a few times. It was pretty cold outside, so once the kite made it into the air a few times he was ready to go in.

Up, up, and away!

But wait...we need to get that bug for school.

My bug and worm to share.

I didn't cheat. Thanks to the gound being wet, we were able to find something that I hope stays alive until morning. In addition to the bug, he insisted on a worm too. He named him "George". I'm not sure if he is going to survive.

George the worm.

In progress...

Been working on a post for a couple of days now. Was hoping to post it today, but I am just not quite happy with it yet.

Let the Cycle Begin

The weekend is over and it is time to start the cycle all over again.

Tomorrow is my little man's trike-a-thon at school. He has raised over $100 to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. Hooray to him! Actually, thanks to his father who helped him raise $66. As they bike laps around the gym they will also focus on bicycle saftey.

I did do yardwork today. It was too beautiful of a day to stay indoors. Afterwards I relaxed outside by reading and taking in the fresh air. Once my little guy came home we played baseball and football. What a challenge it was to get him inside. These are the times when I wish the days weren't longer. Not long to go before summer vacation and then time won't be such a factor.

Have a great week everyone!

Saturday

While I was looking for my little man's soccer schedule to make sure the correct time of kick off, I came across the April newslestter for school. His share a bug day isn't until the following Monday, so I can scratch that one off my list. Tinkerbell gave me a great idea for a bug--going to the pet store and buying a cricket. Is that cheating?

The soccer game was terrific of course. My little guy got hurt in the beginning, he couldn't shake this one off. It looked like after he fell he got kicked in the face or something. He stayed out the rest of the first half, but re-joined the team in the second half. No pictures due to the fact I forgot to put the card in the camera-duh.

My mom called me this morning. She wanted to use a few of my Costco coupons that expire tomorrow. Great, I might be making that trip after all.

I have gotten two loads of laundry done. About two more to go. Start worrying Tab.

I was able to catch up on Oprah episodes. ER episodes were all re-runs so those were easy to go through. As for The View, those might just have to wait for another day.

Although the weather was absolutely beautiful outside I delayed the yardwork today. Maybe tomorrow.

I did experience something freaky today. While I was grocery shopping, the power in the store went off. Not only once, but twice. Luckily I was about done, so I just got out of there.

One Down, One Out, Six To Go

The last three hours I have been catching up with Number Twelve on house colors, furniture, flooring, the date for the twins birthday party, and how she is surviving working in the real world, temporarily of course. Amazing how much conversation we can fit in without any children present. That should hold us off for another couple of weeks.

So we can cross off the fourth item down on the weekend list.

I might have to skip Costco. Kate is right...it is easy to spend way too much money there. Payday isn't until next Friday.

Is It the Weekend?

Thanks to everyone for the feedback on the template change. I hope to get to the links this weekend. I'm not all into the technical stuff.

Please go and check out Sober Chick...she is definitely glad 2B alive. You go girl!

The weekend has just about arrived. Plans anyone? For me...

1. Laundry
2. Yardwork
3. Soccer Game
4. Visit with Number Twelve (without children)
5. Scrapbook
6. Watch my shows that I have DVR'd
7. Trip to Costco
8. Help my little man find a bug for school on Monday-thanks Tinkerbell

Some Thoughts

~I have decided to change my template. I needed to "spring" it up.

~After posting yesterday about never having enough time in a day, ironically today I have been able to multi-task a great deal. Whoa!!!

~I do have to say I am a little worried that my mother has not heard back about her stress test yet. I know we just had a holiday and of course if it was really bad she definitely would have heard back by now, but my optimistic outlook on life is shut down a little. For those unaware she was having one done due to the cardiovascular disease that runs in the family. I passed...I need to hear that she is all clear.

~My mom is a little different. She has always wanted me to have better than what she had. Sounds like any good parent, doesn't it? She has been supportive in most of my issues, yet she has always been hard on me-ask Number Twelve. As my mother and I have aged and gone through trials in our lives we have finally been able to meet on common ground. Amazingly enough I see her as her mother was and I am beginning to be who she is. Scary!!! But in all honesty, I wouldn't ask to be like anyone else.

Does Time Matter?

For some odd reason, there never seems like I have enough time to accomplish all I need to in a day. If the day consisted of more than 24 hours I could...

• spend more time with my little man,
• have my house be spotless,
• exercise more without feeling guilty that my son is still not with his mom,
• blog more without guilt,
• catch up on all my digital recordings,
• scrapbook each day,
• get that beauty sleep,
• have a conversation with a friend,
• relax.

It's a New Week

My Easter was nice. I spent most of the day at church helping out in the children's ministry. After the kids gave their Passover offerings we went outside for a balloon launch. My little man and I ate at my parent's house. Before I knew it, it was time to head home.

I am in the process of trying to find a bike for my little man. It seems like everywhere we go, they do not have his size. I might have to break down and spend that $140 at the Trek store. I don't have a problem with that, but unfortuantely the saleman said that he may only get 1/2-1 year of use of the bike depending on how he grows. The way the weather is around here, it will probably only be 6 months of use. Of course, the next size up is too big for him. He looked like such a big boy in the store riding a "big" bike.

Well, it is the beginning of the week. I mailed my taxes today. FYI, they were done a month ago, I just hadn't mailed them yet. I also found some papers I signed that needed to be mailed back to my attorney-thank goodness. Next step is going in front of a judge who will decide how/when I will receive my "overdue" child support as well as if my attorney fees will be paid.

I haven't mentioned the support group I have been attending, have I? My therapist got together about eight of her clients who had similarities of issues in their lives. We range in ages 32-55. The times we have met have been phenomenal. The two hour sessions are often longer than intended. Amazing how it feels to be surrounded by such powerful, uplifting women who can relate to what you have gone through. The bond that has formed among us is truly overwhelming.

Take care and have a great week!

Colorful Day

The coloring of eggs is usually done on the Friday before Easter, however I was so exhausted yesterday that I did not even want to attempt such an adventure. Today was an absolutely beautiful day. Before taking on such excitement my little man and I went to the baseball game at the school I teach. They were playing a double-hitter. After that, my little man had his first soccer game of the season. The coordinator moved him up to the 5-6 year-old league. He did a super job.

Enjoy the pictures!

TGIF

I spent the morning with my mother at The University of Chicago Hospital while she completed her stress test. I was able to finish 10 of my handmade Easter cards that I might get mailed tomorrow. I still need to look for my W-2's so I can mail off my taxes as well. Yes, waiting until the last minute-that's what I do.

It has been a busy week for me-lots going on.

Have a joyous Easter/Passover!

It Could Be Worse

Although I struggle in this new chapter of my life of being single, in addition to being a mother, I always have to tell myself, it could be worse.

I am thankful for each and every day.
It could be worse...I could not be blessed by the Almighty.
I am thankful I have a college education, including my masters degree.
It could be worse...I could be working a job that pays little without any benefits.
I appreciate the fact I have a job less than ten minutes away from my home.
It could be worse...I could have an hour commute and have to worry about picking up my son in case of an emergency.
I am thankful that I have a place I can call my own.
It could be worse...I could have to share my space, my belongings, my life with others.
I am grateful for the true friends I have.
It could be worse...I could have no friends at all.
I enjoy the life that I am living.
It could be worse...I could be resentful and unforgiving.

It has taken me nearly two years to make myself strong again. Although I am not completely there, I realize I am on my way. It could be worse.

Review of the Past Week

I survived...

the week back to work,
a student in despair,
my son wanting to see his dad,
my cycle coming early,
an allergic reaction after tanning,
interuptions while blogging,
my little man dressed up as Captain Hook as he watched "Hook",
an Easter egg hunt,
a trip to see the Easter bunny,
playing memory,
cleaning up the laundry room, and
visiting with my parents.

Have a great week blogger buddies!

Egg-ceptional Day

This morning my little man and I headed downtown for the annual Easter Egg Hunt sponsored by the Jaycees. It started prompltly at 10:00 and all the eggs were gone within minutes. He was excited to see several of his friends from school as well as from Tinkerbell's.

Looking for eggs.


Who took all the eggs?


Did I get anything good?

My Element

Your Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow Your energy: balancing Your season: changing of seasons Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends. You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems. Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones. Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What Element Are You?

I actually think this is totally me...wow!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I'll be honest...I can have a potty mouth. Back in the day, vulgar language existed in my vocabulary. Alcohol definitely stimulates that language. Oh, and let's not forget, so can the ex-spouse.

But basically on a daily basis, my mouth is under control, appropriate language speaks. So when I tell my little man that it is time to go upstairs to go to bed and he responds, "What the hell?" I'm in total shock. Of course I have to ask him what he said. He gladly repeats with a smile, "What the hell?"

Yeah, now I want to say what the hell? What the hell is going on? I'm trying to think if I have used this phrase in front of him.

Where did you hear that word I ask him. His eyes go back and forth as he tries to look for an answer. Bingo, he sees the video he borrowed from Tinkerbell. So he tells me he got it from the movie Country Bears. He gave it a good try.

Spring Break is Officially Over

No more sleeping in.
No more playing memory while still in bed.
No more wearing pajamas all day.
No more taking mid-afternoon naps.
No more R&R.

It was back to the real world today. Time to re-start that daily routine. YUCK!

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. In fact, I feel that being a teacher is a perfect job for a mother. However, this is the time of year burn-out begins. I'm not just talking about student burn-out, I'm talking about teacher burn-out as well. Nine more weeks to go. 38 more school days. Can it get any better?