About Me, Part 3

In my time of turmoil I thought I was the one making my marriage all wrong, when actually any relationship is a two-way street, both are at fault.

I left teaching in a public school setting to go teach in a charter school. It was there I was connected with so many people who appreciated/acknowledged me for who I am. Although I had my doubts about leaving a "comfortable" position and venturing into something with little backbone, there was definitely a reason. Relationships with people developed that led me to discovery. I reconnected my relationship with Jesus-I was reborn spiritually. Do Catholics even believe in that? I began attending a non-denominational church, volunteering in the children's ministry, and helping out with the missionaries. I believe God answered my prayers. I may not have wanted a divorce, but it is not about what I want, it is about what He wants. He gave me the strength, courage, and guidance I needed to live each day (BTW-He still does). The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have conversed with Number Twelve on numerous ocasions that I believe the devil stole my marriage. Although we cannot answer the why questions right now, she believes that one day the truth will unfold.

So the first Sunday of each month I volunteer my time from 7:30-3:00 ministering to 4 & 5 year olds. Three services, 150 children, smiles, tears, and the utmost satisfaction.

My therapy still goes on. I haven't had any individual sessions in some time (I think I need to schedule one), yet the group of women that I meet with twice a month empower me even more. I can actually begin to call this group of women a group of friends. And the best thing about is that we all have so much in common. We appreciate honesty, truthfulness, and openness-most of which we never got with our marriages. None of us want to play any games. I will be hosting the first of our summer meetings and am so looking forward to it.

I must admit, my divorce definitely took a toll on me. The guilt, oh it is so hard to just go away. There are days when it just kills me inside. I can honestly say that almost one year later I am starting to feel renewed. I feel like me again. It takes an experience of any sort of stress in our lives to make changes. My mother's words of advice/wisdom after all these years is now starting to make sense. I have never felt stronger in my life.

I scrapbook for a hobby. I exercise. I eat my favorite foods. I have a drink every now and then. I blog. I budget my money. I am still the same person I was before all of this happened. I am stronger now, I see red flags sooner, I refuse to be manipulated.

Sunday Night

It is Sunday night. A day off tomorrow, then four more days and summer officially begins. I can't believe the school year is already over. It went by so fast.

I'm all caught up on the Soprano episodes. I can't believe the season finale is already next week. I have a secret crush on Tony Soprano. I guess it isn't a secret anymore. Seriously, he has been in my dreams more than once.

I think I'm all caught up with my blog roll. It is tough to catch up when you get behind.

I have been reading Shop-a-holic & Sister. I have read the other three books in the series. I can totally relate to Rebecca Bloomwood. Highly recommend for those of you with reading time.

All of my scrapbook paper is organized. Besides the file I already had for my solid colors, I now have files for stripes, polka dots, nature, etc, etc, etc. I also organized my cards in this neat little box I bought. Those are color coded as well.

Off to load the dishwasher...

The Weekend is Here

The weekend is finally here. I have the house to myself and, sorry Tab, laundry to do. I'm just checking in with everyone as I have been real busy this past week. I'm going to go read a book and catch up on some shows. Have a great weekend everyone!

About Me, Part 2

Life is never what we plan. It is His plan and so often we forget. It takes the faith of a believer to be blessed. On that thought I'll continue about me...

I was not really sure what I wanted to do in my life. I go to the local college and major in elementary education. I also added on an endorsement for English as a second language. As I am in college, I meet my soon-to-be husband through my at the time boyfriend. Let me say a boyfriend who was on the way out after four years together. I couldn't be happier in my life. 23, marrying a man that has a J-O-B, plus I will be living in a house. He will be paying all of the bills, etc, etc, etc.

Unable to find a job as a regular ed teacher, a position I interview for leads to a different type of job-special ed. I accept the job having no idea what I have gotten myself into, plus I never wanted to teach special education. I go back to school and within 18 months, I take 24 credit hours and earn a minor in special education, oh, and I have a baby. I earn my Master's degree before my son is 3 and I start taking classes for my administration license, but stop due to stress of my personal life.

The new love of my life is of course my son. I enjoyed being pregnant, shopping for maturity clothes (shop-a-holic, remember), and well I had a very good pregnancy as well as delivery. My parents say that my ex couldn't handle the fact that I needed to pay more attention to someone else. Yeah, they are probably right about that, but there is a bigger picture. Not knowing the precise point, moment, or occurrence of the breakdown of a relationship can be disturbing, especially when someone doesn't communicate. So, there was a problem. That is in the past, I can not dwell on it, I need to move forward. If I was not a forgiving person I would just hold onto anger inside and that would lead to bitterness.

I say it was the seven year itch, and of course Satan had something to do with it. That's when reality hit me. My son was born 5 years after I was married. I miscarried 5 months later (there was a reason). Everything after that is pretty much a blur. We get so caught up in our lives, changes happen, and we either adapt, or see the highway. In my case it was another family that needed a male figure as a model. So he felt needed and loved, etc, etc, etc. Enough was enough. Eight years after being married I filed for separation so that he could open his eyes-however, in turn, he filed for divorce. He wanted me to be the bad guy and make the first move. He bears no humility and that is such a shame.

I not only lost a husband, but a man who had been part of my life for 12 years. I lost a whole other family-people who no longer speak to me anymore. I lost friends, acquaintances, and neighbors. My son lost the "normalcy" of a family. All I could think of was being a statistic. You see it was so hard for me to make a decision like that. Being brought up Catholic, you do not get a divorce-do not, or else you are going to hell-you shame the family. My family support was minimal at first. My friends were the only ones there for me to get my through this ordeal. But that all changed.

About Me, Part 1

I am going to try to elaborate on the 100 things about me. I will of course do this is several parts so I don't bore all of you.

I was blessed to be given the best parents (besides Eduardo's). My father a mixture of Slovak, Irish and other European descents and my mother full blooded Puerto Rican. My dad's side of the family was not happy with the mixed relationship. Needless to say they told my father he was going to have "black" children. I don't mean to offend anyone here, but I share this ignorance with you because it caused a great rift in the family relations. I also have to mention that my mother is the whitest Puerto Rican you have ever seen.

My parents marry, they go oversees (he is in the army), and well I was conceived. I was born white in color, imagine that, my mother comes back to the States when I am three months old, and lives with her in-laws until my father comes back home.

I am an only child for seven years then my brother is born. Not exactly planned, however as I listed as #3, I believe everything happens for a reason.

Our family practices the Catholic faith (I currently do not), I attended a parochial school, and I receive all of my sacraments. By attending a parochial school I was able to participate in many activities. I also was raised not only by my parents, but taught at school as well, the morals and values that I would need later in life.

I attend a public high school, a large school, and well I had some fun. (So good for those morals and values, huh?) I of course had to be part of that "in crowd", I hung out with upper classes, and well I attended many parties I probably do not remember. Let me mention only alcohol was consumed. I never took part of any illegal narcotics. In fact, I never remember them being around.

The eve of my 16th birthday, which was a Friday night, I am at a party. It is a pretty big party. A big enough party that the cops were called. Of course everyone takes off except for me who is too scared to jump off the 2nd floor deck onto the snow. There is probably a good twenty of us in the house, some hiding in places, others passed out. The police are giving breathalyzers and when they come to me I just say I had 1 wine cooler. Apparently that settled with them and I didn't have to blow. They still take me to the local jail and call my parents. By this time, it is my birthday when my parents pick me up. My father is furious, did I mention an alcoholic as well?

We get past that. I realize some things about the "in crowd". I am still able to chat with them in school, but I become more involved in youth group at church. I meet Number Twelve at a Diocesan retreat and we've remained in-touch ever since. Who knew when we were teens that in our thirties we would live in the same city and become more like family as our children adored one another.

Happy 100th Post

This is my 100th post. Here are 100 things about me. Enjoy!

1. I believe in God.
2. I have faith.
3. I believe everything happens for a reason.
4. I have the best parents.
5. I was born out of this country.
6. I am half Puerto Rican.
7. I am under 5'5" tall.
8. I am the oldest child.
9. I have a brother.
10. I come from a small family.
11. I attended a parochial school for grades 1-8.
12. I ran cross-country, track, played basketball, volleyball, and was a cheerleader.
13. I had braces.
14. I collected barbies.
15. I was a teen youth leader in the Diocese.
16. I had to be picked up from the police station on my 16th birthday.
17. I attended a local university and received a BS in Elementary Education.
18. I received my Master's degree from a private university.
19. I plan on going back to school.
20. I am in my thirties.
21. I am an optimist.
22. I am a loving person.
23. I am forgiving.
24. I love to smile and laugh.
25. I am a special education teacher.
26. I taught elementary age children for five years.
27. I now teach high school age kids.
28. I once thought I had it all.
29. I was a June bride.
30. I had the most beautiful wedding.
31. I married at a young age (23).
32. I was married for nine years.
33. I had my heart broken.
34. I am now divorced.
35. I am a single mother.
36. I enjoyed being pregnant.
37. I craved ice-cream when I was pregnant.
38. I wanted four children.
39. I drive a foreign car.
40. I probably drive too fast.
41. I only listen to XM radio.
42. I once lost a lot of weight (before I divorced).
43. I gained back the weight (after I divorced).
44. I enjoy scrapbooking.
45. I have a tattoo.
46. I bought my own townhome.
47. I prefer Costco over Sam's.
48. I teach 4-6 year olds one Sunday a month.
49. I suffer from seasonal allergies.
50. I have a sweet tooth.
51. I can eat a whole cheesecake.
52. I love Hawaiin bread with spinach dip.
53. I drink bottled water.
54. I prefer Merlot.
55. I splurge every now and then on a martini.
56. I eat peanut butter when I am stressed.
57. I exercise three to four times a week.
58. I drink Diet Coke.
59. I can't resist coffee.
60. I am not big on chocolate.
61. I have become an addict to blogger.
62. I sunburn easily.
63. I love to dance and sing.
64. I enjoy reading.
65. I saw Prince in concert-3 rows back!
66. I saw the Wiggles twice.
67. I love Longaberger baskets.
68. I was a shop-a-holic.
69. I now have to budget my money.
70. I use to sell PartyLite.
71. I am still in therapy.
72. I once had pre-cancerous cells.
73. I have never broken a bone.
74. I use to get stressed out easily.
75. I have high blood pressure.
76. I have high chloresterol.
77. I am a night person.
78. I dread waking up in the morning.
79. I barely watch TV.
80. I do watch Desperate Housewives and Sopranos.
81. I once had two cats.
82. I have become somewhat of a vegetarian.
83. I am overdue for a haircut.
84. I work close to home.
85. I love to shop at Target.
86. I miss cooking.
87. I dread folding clothes.
88. I own too many purses.
89. I have been in 3 car accidents-none of which were my fault.
90. I am becoming like my mother.
91. I worry about my parents.
92. I can be creative.
93. I am becoming more organized.
94. I learn from my mistakes.
95. I can be emotional.
96. I am thankful for what I have.
97. I enjoy living with just me.
98. I have the best circle of friends.
99. I live each day to the fullest.
100. I am me.

99 Blogs and Still Going

When it comes to blogging and sharing all of your personal information on the World Wide Web, it makes me wonder what the hell was I thinking. I first thought Number Twelve was crazy. Two months after she started her blog I then decided to venture onto my online journaling experience. In addition to Number Twelve I was already reading Frema, Sambo, and Brooke, so why not? For me it has been the most positive, exhilarating, and addicting experience and I must mention the relationships that have been developed with my blogger buddies. It is kind of like on-line therapy plus it is FREE. I chose to write and share what I want, when I want, and how I want. For those who enjoy it great, for others who don't, no big deal.

By the way, the next post will be the big 100.

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day,
with little time to stop and pray.
For life’s been anything but calm,
since You called me to be a mom.
Running errands, matching socks,
building dreams with wooden blocks.
Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,
and other stuff that children lose.
Fitting lids on bottled bugs,
wiping tears and giving hugs.
A stack of last week’s mail to read.
so where’s the quiet time I need?
Yet, when I steal a moment Lord,
just at the sink or ironing board.
To ask the blessings of Your grace,
I see then in my small one’s face.
That you have blessed me, all the while,
and I stoop to kiss that precious smile.

My Blogger Buddies

So with much aniticpation I got to meet several bloggers at Luke and Frema's wedding reception. A reception that included Mexican food. Now that was completely awesome! And le't not forget to mention that cake with pistachio frosting-OMG, I took some of Number Twelve's. How else do you you think I maintain that sweetness about me?

Frema looked absolutely beautiful. Luke, well he is so tall! (I'll talk to Frema about that later.) Lost a Sock has a hilarious husband. A Light in the Attic was so quiet-however I probably couldn't hear her thanks to Number Twelve and I being so loud. Some things just never change. Brooke was pregnant more than ever, yet looked absolutely beautiful. Her mother, Auntie Betty, was a treat to meet. Sambo, well, she knows how to have a good time. I look forward to being able to have a get together sometime with all of you for a real visit.

Congratulations and best wishes to Luke & Frema.
and...
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!

Tea Time

Today I was invited to tea at my little man's school. He was so excited to see me when the teachers opened up the door to let us moms in. I am not there all the time like the other moms because I have a full time job, so just to see the look on his face was priceless. He brought me over to the table and asked me if I wanted a cookie. He picked his first of course, however he then grabbed one for me. The children sang songs for us, we listened to a story about moms, and then they gave us a gift (shown below).

He loves his mommy, "Because she kisses me all the time."

He took the picture, not too bad, huh?.

I Get To Meet Bloggers!

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that my trip to The Container Store as well as Ikea amounted to a total spending of under $20.00. I probably spent just as much in gas for the drive, yet it was great to spend some time with my girl, Flaka.

In other news I was so elated today to get a call from Number Twelve. First, to talk to her two days in a row is exciting, but the real exciting news is that I am going to Luke & Frema's wedding reception on Friday! As we began the conversation I thought she was calling to see if I could watch those three beautiful girls. Of course I was willing to do that, however when we neared the ending of our conversation it was then I realized that I was going to be taking Smooch Dog's place. Now I am going to meet some of my blogger buddies in real form!!! How cool is that? Thanks for thinking about me Frema and Luke.

This will be the first wedding I attend since the divorce. I know it is going to be difficult to see two people so much in love--I was one of those kind of people 10 years ago. However I am smarter now about seeing those flags in people that I didn't quite notice when I was 23. My date is going to be a female who has no male to be all "lovey dovey" with. She's been having that great "make-up" sex, so she'll be due for a break, I think. I'm sure Smooch Dog would like for me to get her a little tipsy--you know for some more of that "make-up" S-E-X!!

I got to go. I need to make the cards for my little man's school teachers. Today is Teacher Appreciation Day.

It's Monday

Well it is Monday--the weekend went by super fast. I spent time with my mom Friday night. I kept her out past her bedtime which is usually 8:30. On Saturday, my little guy had a soccer game. As always he played magnificently. After the game, I made a trip to IKEA and The Container Store. It was good to just get out. Sunday I spent the day at church teaching 4-6 year olds. The innocence these little people have. My little man had to readjust himself after being with his dad. His father did tell me that he had to call the police because some kids were shooting their BB guns at my son and his friends (friends that aren't his age) while in the back yard. Nice to know that my little man knows how to duck-he showed me so that he wouldn't get shot. I also finally chatted with Number Twelve. So it is back to reality, the real world. Countdown is on...

Benefits

As a divorced, single mother, I am experiencing benefits...

1. Income: I am able to maintain a decent lifestyle of living for my son and myself. I have had to learn as well as deal with the concept of money. It sucks, but I am doing it.

2. Assistance: Although I do not have that person in the morning to help me get that child ready in the morning, I have my parents, family, and friends who do all they can. The best is when they do things and I don't even ask-it is like they know when I am in need of something.

3. Self: Time for myself now is generally when my little man is with his father, which is usually one night a week for 4 hours and every other weekend. I also make time for myself to work out-I make sure it is in the daily routine. My scrapbooking relaxes me and of course, what would I do without blogging?

4. Money: Yes, I have had to quit shopping and stop pampering myself. I buy something for my little man before I buy something for me. I give to others, just not as lucratively.

5. Ex-husband: So far he has generally been good with spending time with his son. I also receive child support.

Challenges

In the journey of this new chapter of my "single-mom" life, I face challenges I have never had to face before.

1. Income: my ex-husband paid for everything-except my car payment and daycare. Just the plain fact of knowing there were two incomes in the home made us, which turned into me and my little man, live very comfortable.

2. AM assistance: although I had to ask for the help at least there was someone else in the house to help get the child ready in the morning.

3. Time for me: I may have had to sneak upstairs just to read a book or lay down for a few minutes, but at least I could make my own time whenever someone else was at home.

4. Money: no more nicely done nails, pedicures, shopping, eating out, trips to Chicago, shopping, giving as much to others, shopping, shopping, and shopping.

5. Ex-husband: as my little man's father, he is in the picture for a good 13 more years. I would just like to see my son have a father be an active role in his life, of course in a positive way.

Chalking it Up

The above is a picture my little man drew of me. What do you think? I see my big smile.



Here, he drew himself. He sat next to it so all of you could see the resemblance. He's got his mommy's smile, wouldn't you say?

Donate to Cancer

While reading Kate's blog over the weekend she had a link to another blog and you all know how that goes. So I checked it out and came across a previous post Eduardo had about getting 100 bloggers to donate $10 to the American Cancer Society in his mother's name Magic Marge. I lost my grandmother to cancer thirteen years ago. We all know someone who has had or has cancer. I decided to take my $10 of coffee money for the week and donate. As of today he is short of his goal, however he has given it a shot and best of luck to him and his mother. And thanks to the American Cancer Society for their continued support and research.